


A Thing Once Lost

by bloodsoakedleather



Category: Spartacus: Vengeance
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Slash, Rape, Rape Recovery, Romance, Sexual Content, Sexual Violence, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-12
Updated: 2013-05-30
Packaged: 2017-12-05 02:21:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 22,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/717752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodsoakedleather/pseuds/bloodsoakedleather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the celebrations after the liberation of the German slave ship, the giant Sedullus sets his sights on Nasir and will not take no for an answer, leaving Nasir both physically and emotionally broken.  With the support of Naevia and Crixus, Agron tries to help him heal even though he fears that what they once shared may now be lost to them for ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Thing Once Lost

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I just noticed that when I transfered all my fic from ff.net back in December I forgot this one. How I managed to miss it I don't know, but I did. I have noticed now though, so here it is, better late than never.

Nasir smiled to himself as he went to fetch more food and water. It was good to hear Agron laughing so heartily with his new brothers. There had been little to laugh of in recent days and the Germans boisterous good humour was infectious. He knew there remained some of their number who were uncomfortable with the presence of the new arrivals, it was not surprising. They were newly captured when the boat set sail from their homeland and until rescue had not set foot on Roman soil. They had not been broken down and tamed as the others had, and their spirits were still high. They were coarse and also loud and still spoke mostly in their native tongue but most were making attempt to fit and Nasir was certain that in time they would prove their worth and find acceptance.

As he dipped his cup into the water a gruff voice behind spoke something in German. Agron had taught him a little of his language and he mostly understood the words.

"Water is no drink for such a night." He turned to see the mountainous Sedullus watching him, flask in hand and arm outstretched. He spoke now in common language. "Wine. We share."

"Gratitude." Nasir answered with a smile. "But water quenches thirst more thoroughly. Another time perhaps. I must go, Agron awaits me."

Sedullus nodded slowly and said with deep voice.

"Agron brother. Brothers share."

Nasir felt suddenly uncomfortable and the way the German giants eyes roamed his body did nothing to quell rising concerns. The intent in his gaze was quite clear.

"I am no plaything to be shared. I lay only with Agron."

Sedullus growled in anger.

"Then Sedullus take."

"No! Sedullus will not."

Nasir's assertion fell to deaf ears. He made to duck beneath the larger mans arm but found escape thwarted by the Germans strong hand upon his chest. He was thrown against the table. Jugs and platters clattered together but sound was drowned out by noises made in celebration mere strides away. He fumbled behind himself in search of something, anything that may serve as weapon but his hands came away empty.

"Attempt to lay hands on me again and you will find that even a small dog will have savage bite when cornered."

Sedullus roared out in laughter and advanced upon Nasir. Filled with fear, the Syrians eyes darted about him, searching desperately for means to escape but found none before he found himself lifted from ground and pinned to wall by hand around his throat.

His breath stolen, he could not call for help and with Sedullus' large body pressed against him there was little room for struggle. But struggle he did, he would not give in, he would not go still with fear or silent with shame as he had in the past when his dominus had forced himself upon him. No, he would fight this as he would fight for his very life. Sedullus would not find him easy prey.

His struggling angered the giant but Nasir did not care. He struck out with his feet and fists and knees and whatever else he could but he could not summon the strength needed to give the blows much substance.

Sedullus growled again and with his free hand, struck him across the jaw causing his head to snap back into the wall behind him. His vision blurred slightly.

"You fight, I hurt." The giant threatened.

Heavy, unyielding hands fisted in his hair, turning him roughly, pushing him face first into the wall. Nasir could feel the rough hewn stone scraping against the skin of his cheek. It would leave a mark but he knew this to be the least of his concerns. He tried again to call out for help but still could find no breath to give strength to his voice, even as he felt his bracae being torn from his hips, leaving him bare and vulnerable.

He heard the rustling of fabric behind him as Sedullus divested himself of his own garments and he knew what would happen next, knew that his only hope of rescue now lay with a witness to this assault but the very thought of being seen in such a position, so helpless, filled him a shame that equalled his fear of the violation itself.

Sedullus was a giant in all ways. Nasir felt his flesh being ripped apart as he forced his way inside him and the pain was greater than anything he'd ever experienced before. Not even the Roman sword that had almost claimed his life nor the sealing of his wound by fire which had saved it, had hurt so much as this. He could not prevent a small sob from escaping his lips, but any further noise was muted by the clenching of teeth. He would not allow himself to scream.

Upon the second thrust his already torn flesh burned horribly, though it offered less resistance. Nasir knew his blood to be slicking his rapists way, could feel it as it trickled slowly down his thighs.

By the third and forth thrusts he felt the full force of Sedullus's immense strength, brutally stabbing at his insides and he feared he would suffer injuries far more grievous than simple torn flesh. As Sedullus continued to rut, Nasir could only pray to the Gods that the monster would soon reach his completion and relieve him of this torture so that he might get away from this place and grieve what he had lost in private.

 

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	2. Chapter 2

Nasir would not find his prayers answered. The Gods had, for whatever reason, forsaken him.

Sedullus had the stamina of an ox and any hope Nasir had of a quick end was fading swiftly. With the mans immense weight still pressing against his back and his cock still pounding relentlessly into his sore and aching body he could snatch only short, irregular breaths and he himself was beginning to fade. Perhaps the Gods would be gracious enough to steal his consciousness for a time and spare him at least some of this agony.

Not far away, Naevia and Crixus sat together, watching the celebrations but not sharing in them. Crixus was glaring at the Germans and a low grumble of disapproval had settled in his throat. Naevia clutched at his hand, drawing his attention.

"I shall get us some more water." She said softly. Crixus nodded.

She took up the jug and rose slowly to her feet, weaving her way through the rabble, towards the small recess in which a table had been laid with refreshments.

What she saw as she rounded the corner filled her with horror, memories of her time in the mines assaulted her, making her tremble. The pain she saw in Nasir's eyes was one she knew only to well and it made her sick to think of it. No one deserved such a fate, least of all this man who had risked his own happiness to see her freed from her bondage, the only man besides Crixus she thought upon with any fondness.

She took a step back, her legs unsteady, and turned to survey the crowd, eyes desperately searching for Agron. They settled upon him in the far corner of the courtyard, laughing with a small group of new arrivals. The jug slipped from her hands as she ran to him.

"Agron!" She called out as she drew closer. The German lifted his head and his gaze immediately met hers. His laughter died and a feeling of dread crept along his spine. There could be only one reason why she would call for him in so anguished a voice. Nasir was in trouble.

"Where is he?" He demanded of her. She raised her hand and pointed.

"Sedullus has him. Please… hurry." He tore through the crowd in desperate, blind panic, Naevia following behind. He needed no further words from her to tell him what trouble Nasir was in, her eyes had told the whole tale. Agron's blade was already drawn. Sedullus was a dead man.

Crixus watched the commotion from across the courtyard. Naevia was distressed. That she sought Agron meant it was something to do with Nasir, and from Agron's reaction it was of no small concern. The Gaul held no affection for the German and never would but he had no quarrel with the Syrian. Indeed, he owed him a debt. If not for Nasir, Naevia would still be enslaved and at the hands of fucking Romans. He would not sit idle and see the man come to harm. He stood, his hand resting on the hilt of his sword and went to offer his assistance.

At the sight of his lover bruised and bloodied, limp and barely conscious from Sedullus' ongoing assault, Agron's rage exploded.

"SEDULLUS!" He roared in German. "YOU WILL FUCKING DIE FOR THIS!"

Sedullus ceased his thrusting at last and withdrew from Nasir's body, but still held him in place. Agron glanced down. The giant's cock was engorged and heavy between his thighs, and stained with Nasir's blood.

"BUT NOT BEFORE I RIP YOUR PATHETIC COCK FROM YOUR BODY AND FUCKING FEED IT TO YOU!"

Sedullus released his grip on Nasir and he fell to the ground, shaking and gasping for much needed air. Naevia ran to him instantly, dropping to her knees beside him offering what little comfort she could.

Agron snarled like a wild beat and charged the giant, determined to impale him upon his sword but the larger man was quick on his feet and easily avoided the blade. Agron roared again and swung his sword, this time slicing open the man's chest. The gash was not deep enough to kill but it bled freely. Sedullus stumbled forward and Agron's blade sliced flesh once more, a shoulder, revealing some of the muscle underneath.

Naevia helped Nasir pull up his torn bracae, returning to him some small vestige of dignity..

"Your whore is very good brother." The giant sneered in German. "And now that he knows what it is like to have a real man's cock inside him he will be even better next time."

"Nasir is no whore." Agron's fury was barely contained as he spoke. "And I am not your brother. You are no better than those… FILTHY ROMAN SHITS WHO SOUGHT TO ENSLAVE US AND YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR WRONGS AS THEY WILL FUCKING PAY FOR THEIRS!"

Agron lunged once more at Sedullus, but lacking a weapon the giant was able to move with more speed and agility and Agron was robbed of his aim by this blinding rage. Sedullus ducked beneath the blade, escaping with little more than another scratch. He did not notice Crixus approaching from behind, so intent was he on dodging Agron's sword.

Crixus drew his sword and angled his shoulder before swiping the tip of the blade across the back of the giant's knees. It was a move he'd used many times in the arena. The injury would not end life, but it would immobilize an opponent in an instant.

Sedullus fell immediately with a grunt of surprise. Agron shot the Gaul a look of gratitude and pounced upon the downed giant, tossing away his sword in favour of his dagger, more easily wielded in close combat. He knelt upon the larger man's chest, his eyes burning with hatred as he stared down at him. Sedullus bucked furiously but Agron would not be dislodged until he was ready.

He pressed the edge of his blade against the beasts throat, stilling him, enjoying the look of fear that slowly crept into his eyes. Then with a mighty roar he dragged the blade across the mans flesh, opening him up from ear to ear, watching as the dark crimson blood seeped from the wound, but he was not done yet. There was one last thing, A threat spoken that he would see made true before this animal was dragged into the afterlife.

His blade made one more jagged cut. Sedullus would have howled in pain were he able. Agron shoved the severed organ into the mouth of the man, no, no longer a man, beneath him and held it there, choking from him what little life had still to drain away.

"This…" He hissed. "Is better than you deserve for what you have done to Nasir. Would that I had the power of the Gods and I would give you back your life so that I might take it from you again and again in evermore agonizing ways.

As those final words were uttered Sedullus took his last shallow breath and it was over.

He stood, his stance unsteady and breathing laboured from the fight.

Nasir. He had to see that Nasir was safe.

Nasir was huddled in Naevia's arms, shaking, staring blankly ahead, lost in this waking nightmare. Agron could almost feel his pain from where he stood. Slowly he moved forward, crouching before the man he loved.

"Nasir." He whispered, but found no response. Nasir did not even seem to have heard him. Agron looked to Naevia for a reason. He could not begin to understand what Nasir must be feeling in this moment but if anyone could, he knew it would be her.

"Sedullus no longer has his body but he still holds his mind captive." She told him.

He nodded his understanding.

"Nasir." He tried again. "You are safe now." Still nothing. This was agony. To see this man, once so full of full of fire and joy, now so tormented, so hurt, so lost and have no idea what to do to help him… it made him ache so badly that he could hardly draw breath.

"Please." He begged. "Please Nasir, hear my voice, know that I am here, and that I love you." He reached out, his hand trembling as he moved to cup the younger mans cheek.

The touch seemed to awaken something in Nasir, but not as Agron had hoped. Nasir recoiled as though the touch had burned.

"No." He pleaded brokenly hands outstretched defensively. "No, no, no…"

Naevia spoke softly to him

"Calm yourself Nasir. It is only Agron."

"Agron?" Slowly Nasir came back to himself and he lowered his hands. His eyes darted here and there, as he became aware of his surroundings. Of Naevia's arms, Agron's strength, Crixus' concerned distance… Sedullus's lifeless body. He fought back tears. He felt shame enough as it was that they had seen him, seen Sedullus… They would not see him cry too. He let out a shuddering breath. Agron let out one to match.

"It is over. He cannot hurt you now. Nor ever again."

Nasir closed his eyes. His body ached, his head ached, his heart ached. He had neither the energy nor the will to do anything but nod.

He tried to forget what had happened, to push it from his mind but the moment he felt Agron's hand upon his he was seized by panic and he knew that he would never forget. His eyes flew open and he snatched his hand away.

"Do not touch me." He barked, regretting his words immediately for the pain they had caused was evident in Agrons blue eyes. But he could not take them back, nor could he explain them, he did not know how. How could he make him understand that although he longed to feel Agron's gentle loving touch once again, the memory was tainted now by the feel of Sedullus's hands upon him, his… "Do not…" He caught Agron's gaze and silently begged for forgiveness. He did not want to hurt the other man but he could not be near him either. "Apologies." He whispered. "I just… I cannot…" He could not finish the thought, the words would not come and so he fled. He did not know where he was going, only that he needed to be away from here.

"Nasir, wait." Agron called out but Naevia's hand on his arm prevented him from giving chase.

"Allow him his space."

"But he needs me."

"He is conflicted inside. He does not know what he needs and there is nothing you can do for him until he does. Be patient."

"But…" He sighed. His body was screaming at him to go after Nasir and it pained him to keep his distance, but he knew that Naevia understood Nasir's pain better than anyone and if she said wait, then he would bow to her wisdom, no mater how much it grieved him. His own needs were of no importance, only Nasir's.

Naevia returned to Crixus,

"Come." He said. "We shall need Spartacus help if we are to move this stinking piece of shit."

She nodded, casting one last sad glance at Agron before allowing Crixus to lead her away.

Alone now, Agron finally gave in to the deluge of emotions that had been threatening to engulf him. Sinking to his knees he buried his head in his hands and wept for Nasir.

 

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	3. Chapter 3

Sleep did not find Agron that night, though he had been drained of all strength by the days events and the tumult of feelings that had resulted from them.

Nasir had not come to their bed. In truth, Agron had not expected him to, was not even certain what he should have done if he had, but some part of him had hoped that Nasir would at least seek the comfort of his presence even if not his arms. Their bed felt empty absent Nasir's warmth, Agron felt empty too. It was a vast, heavy, ever darkening, ever widening emptiness that threatened to swallow him whole.

He could not stand it. Could not stand to be in this bed, or even within these walls knowing that his lover was so close and yet so far removed from his reach. In the early hours, just as the sun began to hint of its rising, he took up his sword and went out into the forest to hunt… to kill.

Any prey evaded him. No deer, no bird, no rabbit showed itself to him. His enraged stomps, mumbled curses and stifled sobs had served as warning to any creature within distance that they were hunted and sent them scurrying for cover. He had returned to camp empty handed and no less troubled than when he had set out. Activity had not provided respite from thoughts of Nasir even for a brief time.

Wearily, he trudged back to his bed.

A small glimmer of hope warmed his heart when he caught sight of Nasir but that hope quickly passed and the warmth turned to cold when he saw that in Nasir's hands were his few meagre belongings.

"Nasir." He said softly, so as not to startle the smaller man.

Nasir was startled anyway.

"Agron." He responded surprised, almost dropping what he held as he looked up.

There was still so much pain in those beautiful dark eyes and even though Nasir averted his gaze almost instantly, the memory of it had already etched itself into Agron's consciousness and he knew they would both be haunted for some time… maybe for the rest of their time.

"You are leaving me." It was not a question.

"Naevia told me she had seen you headed into the forest. I had hoped to be gone before you returned."

Agron felt a tightening in his chest.

"You were not even going to tell me? You would have let me return to find you gone without even a goodbye?"

Nasir bit at his lip.

"You would have begged me to stay."

"Yes." Agron saw no point in a lie. Nasir knew him too well to believe otherwise.

"But I cannot. It is better that I go."

Agron wanted to scream that it was not better, that it could never be better, not for him, but he held his tongue. Nasir did not need that. Instead he said simply.

"If you think that it is better for you, then that is all that matters."

They stood in silence for a long time. Agron could not take his eyes off the younger man, knowing that the moment he did, he would be lost to him. Nasir's head remained low, eyes to the ground as far from Agron's as was possible, afraid that if he looked up he would be unable to make himself leave and Agron would be forever trapped in his misery with him. That was not what he wanted, for either of them.

Finally Agron could bear the silence no longer, he tossed his sword to the bed and took a step closer to Nasir. He regretted it instantly for no sooner than the step was taken, Nasir had taken one back and the distance between them remained.

"I beg you Nasir, reconsider… please."

Nasir just shook his head.

"Do not make this more difficult for us both than it already is." He pleaded softly, a tremor in his voice that spoke clearly of his distress. Agron could not stand to hear it again.

"Apologies. I did not mean to cause further anguish." He stepped to one side, allowing space for Nasir to take his leave, every muscle in his body taut, resisting every urge he had to reach out and steal one last touch as he hurried past. "It is only that I… I will miss you. My heart will miss you."

Nasir paused at the entrance to the small room, the hand which did not carry his belongings rested upon the wall, supporting him as he fought to keep his emotions from overwhelming him.

"As mine will miss you." He said quietly, without a backwards glance.

And then, he was gone.

 

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	4. Chapter 4

Agron bellowed and snarled out his anger and frustration as he swung his sword again and again, hacking at the upright wooden post which served as target. It barely stood under the assault and the ground surrounding it's base was now littered with splinters and shards.

"The post stands defeated." Crixus called, crossing the grass to stand at the German's back and Agron could not find in him his usual insult for the Gaul. Indeed an unspoken truce born of shared understanding had settled between them in the two days since Sedullus had committed the most grievous of crimes against Nasir and torn his and Agron's world apart.

Agron did not speak, nor did he cease his action.

"How fares Nasir?"

With an anguished roar, Agron swung his sword one more time with force enough to embed the blade so deep within the damaged wood that it would not be withdrawn without some effort. Effort he suddenly found he had no strength for. He staggered to his side, chest heaving as he panted for breath stolen from him by emotions and drew his hand across his tired eyes.

"I would not know." He mumbled. "He has left me."

Crixus brow furrowed in surprise at the revelation.

"Did he give reason?"

Agron sighed, shrugging his broad shoulders.

"Only that he thought it to be for the best. Beyond that he has not spoken, though I see in his eyes, when he can bear to meet my gaze, that he is hopelessly lost. As I am lost without him." He took a breath to steady his voice. "And I know not what I should do to help him find his way home."

Crixus grunted softly, folding his arms across his chest.

"Naevia was similarly lost upon return from fucking mines, but more of her comes back to me each day. I shall have her speak with him."

"Gratitude. But Naevia has yet done much for us. If she now finds some escape from her memories, I would not seek to have her return to them."

A faint smile tugged at the corner of Crixus mouth but did not seek to fully show itself.

"Concern for Naevia is duly noted. But the path home is not an easy one, she yet remains troubled. Perhaps the sharing of experience with one who has endured same might somehow prove to lighten both their burdens. Besides, she has affection for Nasir as a sister to a brother, I would not find myself surprised if she had already drawn similar conclusion."

Agron remain momentarily silent while he considered the Gaul's suggestion. At last he gave a shallow nod and answered.

"It may be that you are correct. Very well, if she is willing then have her speak. Whatever she can do for him, even if it is but a small thing, would see her owed a great debt."

"Faith." Crixus gave a nod of his own and set a brotherly slap upon the German's shoulder. "We may yet both see our hearts returned to us."

 

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It was almost nightfall when Naevia came across Nasir sitting atop the temple wall in a section hidden well enough from view that a guard had not been deemed necessary. No doubt he had sought out this place so that he may be alone with the thoughts that troubled him and kept him from sleep. She understood his need, she herself still found sleep eluded her some nights when memory was sparked by some arbitrary thing, though such nights were becoming fewer due to Crixus' patient and reassuring presence. Nasir however was not ready to accept the same from Agron yet, his pain was still too raw. Naevia worried for him, for them both.

Carefully she climbed the ladder and found a spot beside him to settle herself. She did not speak, just let her eyes wander over to the distant landscape, as Nasir was doing. The support she offered would remain unspoken until such time as he felt need to hear it voiced.

They remained in companionable silence for some time until at last Nasir dragged his gaze away from what lay before them and looked instead to his hands which rested in his lap and asked quietly.

"Is Agron well?"

That Nasir's first words to her were of concern for Agron, warmed her, for surely it meant that the love he'd once had for the gladiator had not been completely destroyed by what Sedullus had done to him. It yet remained somewhere in his heart, undeniably damaged, but still there, living and breathing. There was still hope for them, as there was still hope for her and Crixus.

She did not voice those thoughts though. She thought that Nasir should come to that realisation in his own time if he was to believe. Instead she simply said.

"He grieves for you."Nasir sighed sadly.

"As I grieve for him."

"If that is so, why do you hide yourself away from him? Why do you run from the comfort he offers." She knew the answer already. How could she not? But she knew also that it was important Nasir spoke aloud of his feelings. To keep them inside where they would bubble and fester would only damage him further.

"Because." He sucked in his bottom lip, worrying it with his teeth while he searched for words that would properly explain. "Because he loves me, without condition and would willingly join me in my darkness. Because I love him, still, and I would not drag him with me into such misery. I am broken Naevia. I am not the man I was, I may never be again. I cannot allow him to entertain hope that we could once again be as we were, when I am not certain myself that such a thing is even possible. He deserves better than that."

"What he deserves is to hear from your lips what you have just told me. If you intend to remove yourself from his arms forever, you should at least give reason he can understand."

Nasir shook his head. Naevia could see he was fighting some demon in his own mind.

"It is too painful. To look on him now will only serve to remind me of what I have lost."

Naevia sighed softly and took Nasir's hand in hers, threading her fingers through his so he could not easily withdraw.

"I once thought as you do now, that Crixus was lost to me forever, but he has shown such patience and such tenderness that I find hope blossoming in me once again. We may never be as we were before but I truly believe that in time we will find a new happiness in one another's arms."

For the first time Nasir looked up from his hands and met her gaze. She smiled at him warmly.

"Do not give up Nasir, not while there may yet still be a chance. Do not shut Agron out and do not turn from the comfort he seeks to offer. Speak to him, tell him what is in your heart, good and bad, and listen to what is in his. You may find all is not as lost as you think."

At that she leaned in and placed a small kiss upon his cheek, then untangled her fingers from his.

"I will leave you alone with your thoughts now, and return to Crixus' arms. Promise me you will consider what I have said for more than just a fleeting moment."

He did not answer at once but her knitted brow and concerned stare made lengthy silence impossible.

"Can you promise me that you speak the truth about blossoming hope, that words were not spoken just to coddle?"

She gave him another smile.

"I promise Nasir. I would not speak a lie about something so close to my own heart."

Nasir nodded.

"Then I promise I will give words more than just fleeting thought."

Nothing more was spoken, and as Naevia climbed back down the ladder and returned to her bed, Nasir turned and looked out once more over the land.

Maybe she was right, he thought. Maybe he had given up too easily. Maybe…

Maybe there was still hope.

 

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	5. Chapter 5

Nasir hid himself amongst the shadows which stretched between the pillars of the temple and watched Agron train. His heart was not in it, his concentration lapsed often, mind clearly occupied by thoughts far removed from those of future preparedness, and more than once he stumbled or had sword knocked from grasp. Now and then, he would still, and cast his eyes over the surroundings as if hoping to catch sight of something… or someone.

In these moments Nasir would make himself small and shrink further into the shadow, hoping not to be seen.

He had given much though to the things Naevia had spoken of and had concluded that she was right. He had been wrong to leave Agron with no more than half formed reasoning and stilted farewell. And he'd been foolish to deny himself the comfort offered by the man who still held his heart and all the scars it now bore.

Oh how he longed to run into those arms and feel them wrapped around him once more but he could not make himself move. Fear held him firmly in place. It was not the fear of physical touch which kept him back, not wholly at least though that was certainly part of it, it was more a fear of how Agron might respond to him now, that he would look upon him differently somehow, with disgust or pity. He did not think that he could stand either.

He leaned back against a pillar and silently cursed himself and all his insecurities.

The gladiator continued to fight, without break. He was exhausted Nasir observed, it was obvious even from this distance. He looked near ready to drop, but he fought on, giving Nasir much concern for his well being and not some small amount of guilt too. He was glad when he saw Naevia bring refreshment. Though at first Agron shrugged her off, Naevia would not be disregarded, she appeared insistent and waited calmly until at last Agron let the sword slip from his grasp and accepted the food and water.

He drained the cup in one go but only picked at the bread and berries before returning the barely touched plate to Naevia who bestowed upon him a concerned frown. With a small shake of her head she turned back to the table, catching sight of Nasir as she did so. She reached behind herself to touch Agron's arm and nodded in Nasir's direction.

Agron looked up, his gaze immediately settling upon Nasir and in that moment Nasir would swear his heart stopped beating, just for the briefest time. He went still, frozen to the spot, as Agron took long, purposeful strides towards him then suddenly stopped in his tracks, hesitating before taking a step back, looking to Nasir for permission to come closer.

Nasir's eyes slipped shut and he pressed himself tighter against the pillar, searching desperately for some inner strength, enough to still his racing heart and harsh, nervous breathing. When at last, he allowed himself to open his eyes, Agron was still watching… awaiting a sign from him. Nasir swallowed down the lump that formed in his throat, threatening to rob him of breath, and nodded gently.

The gladiator offered a nervous smile and moved forward, each step slow and careful, giving Nasir time to flee should he suddenly feel the need. Nasir thought he had never seen the other man look so unsure of himself and it saddened him to know that he was the cause. He held himself still and waited until Agron was almost close enough to reach out and touch him, half relieved and half disappointed when he halted there, leaving some distance between them.

"Agron." He whispered, his voice small and unsteady.

"Nasir." The gladiator whispered back, his voice as unsteady as Nasir's.

For a moment they both remained silent, each man gazing at the other, remembering what they had meant to one another before…

"You look tired." Nasir offered at last, breaking the heavy silence. "You have not been sleeping." It was an observation, not a question.

Agron shook his head.

"I find I am troubled by dreams which leave me less than well rested. Attempts at sleep seem a waste of time and energy. But my troubled dreams mean nothing compared to yours."

"My waking thoughts are no less troubled. He haunts me, day and night. I see him everywhere, I feel his hands upon me even when I am alone, I…" He turned his body away from Agron, holding his pain inside himself, hiding. Why, he was not certain. He had told himself he would speak what was in his heart, good and bad just as Naevia had suggested, but he was finding himself tongue tied.

Agron saw the tension in the smaller man's body, the rigid lines were easy to read and he ached to bring him into his arms and soothe them away with loving words and tender kisses but he would not touch Nasir without permission, would not give him cause to fear more than he already did.

"Nasir." He said softly, forcing himself to remain in his place and not reach out. "I wish I could take this pain from you. Would that the Gods had listened to my prayers and made the pain mine. I would suffer it gladly if it meant that you were spared."

At this, Nasir turned back, his eyes immediately meeting Agron's and he spoke without thinking.

"I would not want that. I would not wish such pain on anyone, least of all one I love as I love you."

A breath caught in the gladiator's throat and for a moment he thought his heart would join it.

"You still have love for me?" He asked, unable to keep the hope from his voice.

"Always." Nasir answered honestly. "How could I not? You are everything to me, I long to feel your arms around me, to know the pleasure of your touch once again, to be as we were before but…"

"But?"

"But I am afraid."

"Of me?"

"Yes." Nasir whispered sadly. Agron frowned.

"Surely you know I would never hurt you?"

Nasir tried to find a smile but one would not come.

"I do. It is not that which causes me to fear you. It is…" He sighed, the full weight of his misery seemed to make the sigh feel heavy and he sank to the ground, sitting with his back against the pillar, knees pulled up to his chest, head resting upon his knees., his long hair hanging down, shielding his face.

Agron hesitated briefly before seating himself on the ground beside him, taking care to keep distance enough that there could be no accidental touch.

When at last Nasir looked up, Agron could see there were tears in his eyes, tears that stubbornly refused to fall. Even now, Nasir was still hiding, still trying to be strong. Agron fought back the tears that threatened to spill from his own eyes.

"I fear…" Nasir continued, his voice rough with emotion. "That your love for me, and mine for you may force a need in me before I am truly ready, that it will cause me to seek out your touch or your kiss only to… to…" He could not go on, but Agron thought he understood now.

"You are afraid that I will touch you but it will be his hands you feel."

Nasir nodded.

"Your memory is more precious to me than any other thing. I could not bear for it to be tainted by… him. And I could not bear to see the hurt in your eyes if it should happen that I flinch from your touch. I would rather be alone for the rest of my time than know I had caused you that pain."

"Being absent you in my life would cause pain far greater than anything that has already passed. Do you think I could bear to see you every day and know that you will never again be at my side? I would rather end my time on this earth than suffer that."

"Agron I…"

His protest was cut short.

"I am no fool Nasir. I know it is likely that what we once had is gone forever but even so you will remain in my heart until I am taken into the afterlife so if friendship is all that can exist between us now then I beg you let it be so because I would rather be friend to you than nothing at all."

Agron squeezed his eyes shut, fighting the swell of emotion that now rose in him but despite all efforts made to keep them from doing so, his tears still fell. He cursed his own weakness, he would not have Nasir make a choice based on pity or guilt, but when he opened his eyes to make apology he saw that Nasir's face was also streaked with tears.

His fingers itched to touch the other man's face and brush away those tears but even as he thought it, he felt Nasir's hand on his cheek, trembling fingers brushing against his wet skin as if the other man had reached into his mind and plucked out that very thought and made it his own.

"Nasir." He whispered, forgetting himself and lifting his own hand to touch Nasir's. A small thankful sob fell from his lips when Nasir did not pull back.

"I too would rather be friend than nothing." The younger man said, bowing his head almost shyly. "And I would seek comfort in a friend's embrace."

Brave now, Agron placed a hand beneath Nasir's chin and gently lifted his face to his.

"A comfort offered freely and without condition, to be taken whenever it is needed." Carefully he wrapped his arms around the younger man, grateful that he would even permit this.

Nasir slowly relaxed in Agron's arms, finally allowing himself the comfort his fear had denied him, and he lay his head against the gladiator's familiar, broad chest, secure in the knowledge that he was safe here, that Agron would never hurt him, would never push for more than he was able to give, would never leave him. He did not know if there could ever be more than friendship between them again but he hoped, deep within his heart that the Gods who had seen fit to abandon him in his time of need would at least grant him that one thing.

 

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	6. Chapter 6

Nasir did not return to their bed that night. Instead Agron found himself following Nasir to his, tucked away in a corner shaded from any natural light or warmth. Hardly a comfortable place, nor with any real privacy but chosen simply because it was distant enough from the others that he would not disturb their dreams when the nightmares came as they had every night since Sedullus.

Sleep was a long time coming. They sat for many hours just talking on any insignificant topic that chanced to cross their minds. The fruit now replacing blossom on trees and bushes, the chirping of crickets in the dimming light of the evening, the moths that hovered above the glowing embers of a dying fire. It was but light relief from the heaviness of emotions confessed that day. Emotions which lingered still beneath the surface.

Agron was reluctant to close his eyes for fear that he should open them only to find himself alone in his bed once more, this fragile reunion nothing more than a dream. For Nasir the fear was very different. He knew the terror the night would bring and though he knew that Agron would be there to offer comfort he was still afraid. Afraid of the memories, still so vivid and real, afraid to let Agron see them lest it should be more painful than he had anticipated.

The weight of the day and of his fears, were heavy upon him though, and in spite of himself he found his eyes slipping shut.

"You should rest. It has been a most tiring day." Agron said softly, concern evident in his tone. Nasir shook his head.

"Dreams will only wake me before I am properly rested."

Agron sighed and reached out to sweep a lock of coal black hair from Nasir's eyes, slightly in awe still that Nasir trusted him enough accept even this innocent touch.

"Would that I could keep them from you. Alas, only the Gods themselves have that power, all I can do is chase them away when they do come. Would you allow me to do that for you?"

For the longest time Nasir could not find voice, he could only stare into Agron's blue eyes and marvel at the depth of hope he saw there. At last he nodded.

"Yes." He answered simply. "I would."

Agron smiled and Nasir permitted himself to be laid gently back on his bed. Agron did not join him, nor did Nasir ask him to, though it was what they both wanted. The distance between them, though it caused them both indescribable heartache, was necessary. It was the only way Agron knew to assure Nasir his motives were pure, that whatever may or may not happen between them was at his bidding only, not Agron's. Nasir understood this, and whilst the feeling of Agron's arms around him would not have been unwelcome, he was also grateful for the distance and all that it meant.

Unable to fight his exhaustion any longer, Nasir closed his eyes and waited for sleep to take him, while Agron sat with his back to the wall and assumed a silent vigil.

He was not certain how much time had passed, but it did not feel like much, when Agron noticed that Nasir was beginning to stir. The first signs were almost imperceptible, or would have been had Agron not been watching so closely. Nasir's head rolled a little to one side and his fists clenched, then he stilled, just briefly. When he stirred again it was more noticeable. He shivered, his entire body trembling lightly, his breathing becoming ragged. Agron crawled over to him and whispered his name.

"Nasir."

The smaller man whimpered softly.

"No… Please." Beads of sweat appeared on his brow, a single tear trickled from the corner of his eye, followed by another, and another, wetting the hair at his temple and he whimpered again. "D…don't." The helplessness that sounded in that whispered plea tore at Agron's very heart and again tears began to well in his own eyes.

"I am here Nasir." He said, reaching out to wipe away the other mans tear and soothe his brow. "You are but dreaming, it is not real, he cannot hurt you."

The tremors that wracked Nasir's body grew more and more violent. He kicked out with his feet, his hands flailed wildly as if to fight off his invisible attacker and all the time he sobbed and pleaded for an end.

"Just a dream." Agron assured him again but Nasir did not hear him, he just continued to thrash and beg. Agron desperately wanted to pull him into his arms and hold him tightly until the terror passed but he feared that in his current mindset, such an embrace might bring about more distress than comfort. Instead he did the only thing he could think of to do and lay down beside him, stroking his hair, wiping his tears and whispering over and over again that he was safe now, that he would protect him, that nothing would harm him ever again.

Still Nasir's nightmare held him captive, indeed it seemed to be growing worse and Agron was at a loss as to what more he could do for him beyond simply being at his side when it ended.

As he thought this, something in Nasir changed. He stilled, his body going rigid and then his eyes flew open and he bolted upright with a strangled scream. At first he did not seem to know where he was. He could not swallow, he could not think, he could not even take in air. His eyes darted all around nervously, trying to make sense of his surroundings and only when his gaze fell upon Agron was he able to take a breath.

With a harsh sob, he fell into the other mans waiting arms, and wept until he was dry while Agron held him close, rocking him gently, rubbing his shoulders and placing chaste kisses against his hair.

"This is what you go through every night?" Agron asked when he was able to find his own voice without it breaking.

"It is usually worse." Worse? Agron could not imagine how it could possibly be worse but just the thought of it made him sick to his stomach. "Gratitude."

"For what?"

"For staying with me. I confess I feared you that when you saw how damaged I really was, that you would think me a lost cause and take flight. I could not fault you if you did."

Agron placed one finger beneath Nasir's chin and lifted his face, meeting his gaze and holding it firmly.

"Nasir. Nothing could ever make me leave your side. You are stuck with me until the afterlife claims one or both of us, and even then I make no promise that you will be free of me." He smiled softly and Nasir could not help but return that smile, one that was quickly overtaken by a yawn. "You still need to rest. Is there any chance of it?"

"I cannot say." Nasir said, shrugging his shoulders. "But your presences gives me strength to bear attempt."

The gladiator nodded.

"I will resume watch." He made to untangle himself from Nasir's arms and take his place against the wall once more but Nasir stopped him with a whispered…

"Stay… Please. I feel safer with your arms around me."

"Are you certain?"

In answer, Nasir lay down on his side, pulling Agron with him so they were chest to chest and buried his face in the curve of the other man's shoulder, murmuring sleepily.

"I am certain."

Feeling as though a great weight had been lifted from him, Agron settled back against the makeshift bed, pulling Nasir closer into his embrace and though he himself ignored the call of sleep in favour of keeping his guard lest more demons should need chasing away, Nasir slept untroubled for what remained of the night.

 

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When sleep beckoned Nasir the next night, Agron once again sat against the wall and kept watch, unsure if his arms would be welcomed a second time. It was likely Nasir had sought to be held only because of the dream and he would not take for granted anything he had not heard from Nasir's own lips.

Again Nasir did not ask for Agron to join him, though the words had been there, ready to be spoken. To be wrapped in loving arms once more had felt so good and so right, but a small voice inside reminded him his fears about forcing his own needs before time and so he swallowed the request.

This night, when the dreams began to trouble Nasir again, Agron was ready. He was aware the signs now, watched intently, waited for them to show, and was at Nasir's side in a single heartbeat, before the tremors took hold. He did not hesitate this time to pull Nasir to him, to hold him, to see him through it safely.

It pained him to see Nasir still gripped by terror, but he reminded himself of the words spoken last night. It is usually worse. He could only hope that his arms would once more stave off the worst of it.

Still, it was hard to bear when Nasir began thrashing in his arms and begging for an end to his torment.

Agron gazed up at the heavens and appealed to the Gods themselves in an anguished roar…

"SHOW FUCKING MERCY! END THIS… PLEASE! HAS HE NOT FUCKING SUFFERED ENOUGH?"

As if the Gods had actually heard him and taken pity, Nasir's shuddering body slowly stilled in his arms, ragged, gasping breaths evened out and wretched pleas died on lips, to be replaced with a softly murmured…

"Agron."

Careful not to wake him now he was calm, Agron gently lay Nasir down and nestled his much larger body beside him, resting one hand upon his chest. He would not leave him alone again.

"Gratitude." The gladiator whispered, returning his gaze to the Heavens, before giving into sleep himself with Nasir's heart beating steadily beneath his palm.

 

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On the third night, there was no question on either man's lips. No doubts about whether or not an embrace would be welcomed. Agron simply took to the bed and opened his arms for Nasir to find his place in them.

On the third night, sleep came easily to both of them and for Nasir that sleep was blissfully dreamless.

 

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	7. Chapter 7

Nasir was subdued all through the meal, he ate nothing of the food provided, pushing it around the plate instead and glaring at it as if it had somehow caused great offence. Agron waited patiently for him to give his thoughts voice but when, after some time, no voice came he took the plate from his hands, placed it upon the ground and said.

"You yet bear a burden." Noting, with a deep creasing of his brow, the slope of the Syrian's shoulders and his unusually sullen expression he added. "A different burden." Nasir made no reply. "Speak, and see it's weight lifted."

Nasir exhaled deeply and silently cast his dark eyes over the many people who had gathered in their small groups to eat before asking timidly.

"Did everyone see?"

At first Agron did not understand the question.

"See what?" He asked.

Nasir bit his lip and whispered.

"Me… Sedullus." He spoke the name quietly, with a tremor in his voice, cheeks colouring a shade of deep crimson. "Did they see?"

Now the meaning was clear but Agron did not know what answer he should give. It was likely the truth would only hurt Nasir further and he had already borne more pain than one man should ever have to endure in a lifetime. And yet he could not bring himself to lie. He could hope only to dissuade the question in some way.

"Why do you ask?"

"They look at me differently." He said, gesturing towards the people that came and went. "I feel their eyes upon me when I pass but when I look to see who is watching they avert their gaze and feign idle conversation where once they would have greeted me by name with a slap on the back and a smile upon their lips."

The gladiator stared down at the dirt.

"What good will come from knowing?"

A small shrug.

"Likely none. Yet I would know anyway. The truth Agron, no coddling. Did they see?"

With a heavy sigh Agron placed his own plate on the ground beside Nasir's and took the younger man's hand in his, squeezing it gently.

"The truth." He said with a shallow nod, understanding Nasir's need to hear it, no matter how painful it might be but wishing he did not have to be the one to say it. "I can speak for certain only of what I was witness to but… there was much commotion and much blood in the aftermath. It is likely that many found their attentions drawn to it."

Fresh tears rose in Nasir's eyes and he hung his head so that Agron would not see.

"And those who were not witness have no doubt heard of it by now." It was as he had feared. He murmured miserably. "My shame is known to all."

Once more Agron felt that same wrench deep within his chest that came each time Nasir's pain made itself so apparent as to be almost a living breathing thing and not for the first time he wished that Sedullus yet drew breath so that he may once again rob him of it.

"Nasir." He said, taking the Syrian's other hand in his. "You have no cause to feel shame. You have done nothing wrong."

Nasir snorted, unconvinced, avoiding the gladiator's gaze.

"Then why do the God's seek to punish me?" Agron had no answer for that. "They must have good cause. There must be some thing that I have done to make me deserving of… this."

The gladiator shook his head.

"You hold no blame in this. What was done to you was not your will, nor was it your fault."

"But I did not stop him." He snatched his hands away and stood up, kicking the plates at his feet in frustrated anger as the tears he had been fighting to contain, spilled down his cheeks. "I could not stop him."

"And Naevia could not stop the men who forced her." Agron rose to his feet and placed a gentle hand on Nasir's shoulder. "Would you place blame at her feet for what was done to her?"

Nasir turned to look at him, his eyes wide.

"I could never do that. But it is not the same. Naevia was enslaved, kept in chains, the men who would abuse her were many and powerful. There was no hope that she could have stopped them. Sedullus was but one man. I should have…"

Agron cut him off before he could finish.

"One man, but with the strength of many and the soul of none." He cupped Nasir's face brushing the pad of his thumb over the still damp skin. "You could not have foreseen what he would do, and you could not have known to guard against it. No one could. If he had set his sights to another in the same fashion, me perhaps, I do not think even I could have stopped him easily… if at all. And I know you would not think less of me had that been the case, so please, do not think it of yourself."

Nasir was still. Agron's hand remained upon his cheek and his gaze still held him firmly. He could not turn from it, and he did not want to. Those blue eyes were as an anchor, they steadied him, kept him from drifting with the tide of his emotions and becoming lost to his own doubts and fears.

With a last choked sob and a shuddering breath he stepped into the gladiators arms and laid his head against his chest.

"How is it that you always know what words I need to hear even before I know them myself?"

"There is no secret to it." Agron answered, letting his arms close around the other man and pressing a tender kiss to the top of his head. "I simply speak the truth. That is all."

They remained within their embrace for some moments before Agron reluctantly broke it.

"Come." He said, taking a step back. "Let us find more food. Ours appears to have been consigned to the dirt."

He offered a small chuckle which Nasir returned then took the smaller mans hand in his and turned to lead him to the table.

"Agron." The Syrian called before barely a step had been taken. The gladiator turned back and Nasir murmured softly. "I will get better. I will."

Despite the soft tone, there was hint of strength in the other man's voice that warmed Agron to hear. He smiled at Nasir and answered simply.

"I know."

 

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	8. Chapter 8

"Come." Said Agron, reaching out a hand to pull Nasir to his feet. "Take up your weapon. Today we take to the forest."

"The forest?" Nasir cast the gladiator a questioning look. "What for?"

In part, Agron's motive was to relieve Nasir the weight of knowing, pitying stares, stares in which despite assurances otherwise, he knew Nasir still felt judgment and blame. Also in part, he feared the four walls surrounding them held memories for the Syrian which would continue to haunt him and drive him possibly to the edge of fucking madness. Agron had no wish to see Nasir suffer further horrors as a result of Sedullus' actions. It would do Nasir good Agron thought, to be removed from the place that held such remembrances and find somewhere they might have opportunity to take flight. Even if they returned to him by nightfall perhaps they would at least be less troublesome then.

He was not sure however, that Nasir would not need convincing. He still believed he was ruined and Agron would not chance Nasir's refusal and would not hear his assertion that such a exercise would be a waste of energies so instead his offered reason was…

"We hunt. I am tired of bread and fucking berries."

 

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Crouched amongst the undergrowth and hidden in the shadows of several large trees, Agron watched as the boar furrowed through the forest debris, snuffling and snorting as he turned it over with his snout. It was but a short distance away and it was not impossible to think that he could have run his sword through the beasts skull and made the kill, if he was quick enough. Realistically though, he knew it was more likely the beast would hear his approach and flee before his sword had even been lifted.

His eyes searched out Nasir, similarly crouched several trees distance from where he himself was positioned. He was no closer, but he was better situated, armed with bow and arrow. Odds were good that he could hit the target from where he crouched without making himself known.

The gladiator raised his hand and waved to attract Nasir's attention, gesturing for him to take the shot. Nasir nodded, raising the bow to his cheek and taking a moment to steady his aim. Slowly he pulled back his bow arm, muscles shaking from the effort of holding the string taut, took a breath and released. The bowstring made a snapping noise and the arrow whistled through the air. The beast looked up but there was no time for it to react or retreat before Nasir's arrow pierced the flesh of it's neck.

The creature squealed and stumbled, before falling onto it's side. Agron pounced then, delivering a single blow with his sword to ensure the beasts death then turned to Nasir with a grin and said.

"A fine shot. Your aim is sure and steady. The beast had no chance."

"Mira is a good teacher." Nasir answered.

Agron knew Mira had little to do with it. It was true that she was skilled with a bow and had instructed many within the camp on its use, Nasir included, but it had been quite some time since he had taken up any weapon in training. It was clear the Syrian had some natural skill with the bow himself, but idle flattery was not Agron's purpose today, he would let the matter rest for now.

Both men stared down at the fallen beast for a moment.

"He is a good size." Agron stated. "We will see much meat from it's carcass."

"And it's bones will make a decent broth."

"Indeed. Now let us bind it so we may drag it back to the temple with more ease."

While Agron dropped to his knees and busied himself with the task of trussing the animal, Nasir leaned back against a tree and surveyed his surroundings. In the relative silence of the forest, the sounds of an approaching caravan upon a path not too far distant was not difficult. He tipped his head to one side and listened carefully to ascertain its direction.

"Agron." He whispered. "Someone approaches from the east."

The gladiator stood immediately, abandoning his current task in favour of this new, more important one.

"We should see who and what, lest they pose fucking threat."

 

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Crouched once more in the undergrowth, this time hidden by boulders and fallen branches, the two men observed the passing of what appeared to be a small supply caravan. Fucking Roman certainly, there appeared to be just two guards, hardly a threat at all, but Romans were devious shits with no honour. It was possible they were scouts in disguise and even if they were not, they would no doubt run to the praetor with any small observations in hopes of securing coin or favour for themselves. Better they were dispatched to the afterlife now than given chance to serve either purpose or self.

With nought more than eye contact and silent hand gestures the two communicated a strategy. Nasir would use his bow to relieve one guard of his life, not that Agron doubted his or Nasir's ability to take down both single handedly should the need arise but the Gods were apt to fuck them of late and where once the gladiator would have rushed in recklessly, Nasir had taught him the value of caution. There was sense in reducing the number of opponents before entering into the fight, if the Gods favoured them this day, it might be possible for Nasir to also take down the second guard before he noticed his companion was fallen.

The Gods did not favour them however. As Nasir took aim for the second time and drew back his arm, the bow broke into two pieces with a loud crack, splintering in his hand and causing him to hiss in pain.

"Fuck." Agron muttered as he realised they had been spotted. There was little choice now but to charge, and that was what he did, sword extended at his front. So too Nasir, reaching to remove his dagger from it's sheath at his waist as he rushed towards the closest guard.

Barely had he reached his target when he found his blade knocked from his hands by the flat of his enemy's sword. He stumbled, somehow managing to duck beneath the sword as it swung for him but he was unbalanced now and he hit the ground with a thud and a sharp intake of breath. Behind him he could hear the clash of steel upon steel and knew Agron to have the matter in hand but that would change no doubt should he realise that Nasir was in trouble, and Nasir would not be a source of distraction for him.

He scrambled to his feet while remaining low to the ground and charged again, taking the Roman's legs from under him and sending him sprawling, minus his weapon which now joined Nasir's on the ground some distance away. For a few short moments they tussled this way in a flurry of fists and knees. When the air was forced from his lungs by a well placed knee to his gut, Nasir recoiled instinctively, attempting to catch breath and unwittingly allowing the Roman to slither from his grasp and crawl towards his sword.

Agron saw his own fight to it's conclusion with a final thrust of his blade through his foes heart. The man was dead even before the sword was withdrawn, laying now in a rapidly expanding pool of his own blood and the gladiator spat upon the corpse before turning to see how Nasir was faring.

No sooner did he feel the panic in him rise at the sight of the Syrian gasping and weapon less as the Roman shit dove to recover his own blade, then it was gone for he saw Nasir leap, without hesitation, upon the bastards back, grabbing the sides of his face and roaring fiercely as he snapped the mans neck with a single, violent twist.

No longer afraid for Nasir's life but still concerned for his wellbeing, Agron ran to him, dragging him to his feet, eyes searching the smaller man's body for any sign of injury.

"Are you hurt?" He demanded.

Nasir shook his head.

"Nothing beyond some scratches and bruises. Hardly anything to speak of."

Satisfied that Nasir was not hiding anything from him, he allowed a grin to spread across his face and he pulled the other man into a fierce hug, pressing a firm kiss in the centre of his forehead.

Nasir gave a small surprised yelp and froze momentarily. Sensing the discomfort, Agron released his hold and took a step back, cursing himself for his foolishness and hoping he had not ruined any small progress that may have been made with an act that Nasir might have construed as something more than the simple friendly gesture it had been intended as. He was relieved to see no hint of fear upon the Syrians face, just the ghost of a shy smile. It was a sight truly fucking beautiful to behold.

Nasir slapped him on the arm then, tearing him from his thoughts, and indicated the small cart with a nod.

"let us see what treasures we have liberated from Rome shall we?"

Agron nodded dumbly and followed Nasir to where the cart stood now unguarded, watching in silence as the curtain was pulled back to reveal it's cargo and grinning when he realised what the cargo was.

"Finally the Gods show fucking kindness." He said. "Spirit's will surely be lifted when we return to camp with this."

 

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	9. Chapter 9

The sun was still high in the sky and the heat while not stifling was still uncomfortable. Most had broken from training to rest a while and take refreshment. All eyes turned when Agron and Nasir returned to the temple dragging behind them not only the liberated Roman cart but the boar they had killed earlier slung across it.

"What do we have here?" Spartacus asked with a grin as they drew closer to the centre of the courtyard. "It appears your morning has not been without excitement.

"Agron wanted to hunt." Nasir answered with a small, sideways smile in the gladiator's direction.

Agron patted the top of the cart and grinned.

"Indeed. And we came upon a prey we had not expected. Nasir took down one with his bare hands." He said proudly, causing a faint blush to fall upon the smaller man's cheeks.

"Good for you Nasir." Spartacus clapped him lightly on the shoulder. At first Nasir flinched slightly, a fact that did not go unnoticed by Agron and he felt a sudden surge of concern but then he saw a smile tugging at the corner of the Syrian's mouth and knew the casual touch had not caused distress. More so it seemed it was the touch Nasir had noted absent from friends since his assault and spoke to the fact that Spartacus at least did not look upon him differently because of it. Agron shot the Thracian a look of gratitude which was acknowledged with a small nod as he stepped towards the cart. "Now, I am eager to see what treasures the fucking Roman's have gifted us."

It was not just Spartacus who was eager. The assembled rebels chattered and clamoured keenly for a better view of the cart, the resulting commotion drawing further audience from within the temple.

Agron hefted the boar carcass onto the ground and yanked open the curtain so that Spartacus may see what was inside. The cart was loaded with wine, cheese, nuts, exotic spices, small honeyed cakes and an assortment of other luxuries no doubt intended to grace the tables at some Roman shit's banquet and further fatten their bellies. A rare smile lit upon the Thracian's face.

"Agron. Nasir." He said, clapping a hand to Agron's shoulder, as moments ago he had done to Nasir. "You have brought us a most welcome gift. A pleasant distraction from recent hardships that has been overdue for far longer than realised until this moment."

"What do they bring?" One rebel asked. The question quickly spread from mouth to mouth until most everyone was asking it.

"What indeed? Crixus said, stepping from the shadows behind, Naevia at his side and an amused grin splitting his face in two. "Do not hold fucking tongue. Tell us what is in the cart."

Naevia chided him gently though she shared his smile.

"You want to know what is in the cart?" Spartacus teased further, raising eyebrow at Crixus.

"We want to know." He answered, waving his arms and spurring the crowd into a loud clamour.

The Thracian turned to the crowd.

"YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS IN THE CART?"

"YES! WE WANT TO KNOW!"

He gestured knowingly to Agron and Nasir who moved to lift a wine barrel from the cart and set it at Spartacus' feet.

"WHAT IS IN THE CART… IS A CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION!"


	10. Chapter 10

A celebration was indeed long overdue as was apparent by the gusto with which the rebels attacked it. Even Spartacus himself, ever on his guard as a true leader should be, found it within himself to enjoy the festivities and partake of the wine and food, in moderation of course.

Agron sat upon the steps at Nasir's side, some small concern tugging at the edge of his mind that the Syrian still held himself back from the group. It would have been too much though, to expect that he would throw himself whole heartedly into such revelries and the gladiator understood this. As such he was just glad to see Nasir beginning to relax, a genuine smile upon his lips and in his eyes whenever a drunken rebel stumbled their way to offer thanks and a handshake.

"This day will be remembered well for many more to come." He said, wrapping a loose arm around the smaller man's shoulders, delighting in it's easy acceptance.

"It pleases me to see them forget their troubles, even it is only for a brief time."

Agron was silent for a moment, a question resting uncertainly upon his lips.

"And what of your troubles?" He asked at last.

"Not forgotten." Nasir answered, lowering his gaze. The gladiator muttered a silent curse at himself, afraid the question had caused some unintentional distress but then the gaze returned, faint traces of a smile still remaining. "But memory fades a little with each day that passes, and hope grows stronger."

"I am glad." He said, relieved. "It warms my heart to think that I might one day see the light return to your eyes."

The hand that was not around Nasir's shoulder, came up to rest against his cheek. Nasir shifted where he sat.

"And it warms mine to know that you care." He whispered leaning into the touch, the movement so slight it might have gone unnoticed had Agron's attentions not been so completely focused, though he was sure Nasir remained unaware.

He caught a breath. I love you. The words rose within him and lodged themselves in his throat, but now was not the time for such declarations, Nasir was not ready. Indeed, Agron was not certain he ever would be and so, with great effort he swallowed them down and the moment was broken.

"Shall I get more wine?" Nasir asked, rising to his feet abruptly.

Agron shook his head. Too much wine was known to make fools of greater men than he and more seemed like a very bad idea in this moment, but looking up into the Syrian's eyes he saw a strange urgency he did not quite understand. Was it simply that Nasir felt a need he could not articulate, to remove himself from a moment of intense discomfort? It was a likely possibility, and yet there was something beyond discomfort in the younger man's eyes that Agron was at a loss to put name to, or explain.

"No. I have had too much already. I fear any more might rob me the use of my legs." He said with a small chuckle, watching intently the play of emotions upon the other man's face in attempt to understand their cause. "But more food would be most welcome. The days hunting and fighting has given me quite the appetite it seems."

Nasir nodded eagerly and turned, striding purposefully towards the laden table. Agron watched his back for a moment, noting that though intent, whatever it may be, was still evident, steps had slowed. A split second of hesitation as Nasir neared the space in which the refreshments had been laid out, gave the gladiator clarity. He understood now what he had seen and it gave him cause for concern.

The last time there had been a celebration within the camp had been the day that Sedullus had… Nasir had gone for more refreshments then too. Now it seemed, he sought to return to that moment, to face that demon… alone and Agron was unable to conclude whether that was a good thing or a bad.

He stood, and followed Nasir to the table, giving pause of his own as he neared the spot. Even in face of his concerns, the gladiator understood that the demon was Nasir's to face and to intrude now would be to rob him of the opportunity to fight it and possibly beat it, so he held back, giving Nasir space, while yet remaining close enough to offer support only if it seemed that it was necessary.

Nasir took a step closer and stopped. His stance was tense but steady as he cast his gaze about him at the table, the wall, the faded blood stain upon the ground where Sedullus had met his end, remembering. It was difficult, more so than he had anticipated and the memory had not faded as much as he had hoped, but he would not allow himself to ruled by it. He would not allow himself to be beaten.

Agron heard a choked sob fall from the younger man's lips and the deliberate, deep breaths intended to calm. Another step, this time accompanied by a more noticeable tremor but Nasir remained firm.

Agron watched, concerned still, but less so than before. Nasir was strong, far stronger than even he realised, but Agron had know, had always known.

In just a few more, carefully controlled steps, the Syrian reached the table, clutching at it's edge to steady himself while he slowed his breathing. It was then that the gladiator announced his presence.

"I have changed my mind about the wine." He said as he strode towards Nasir, casually dipping his cup into the wine and flashing the younger man a dimpled grin. "The damage is already done, one more cup can hardly do much more."

"And what of your legs?" Nasir asked, returning the grin with a little more effort, but returning it none the less.

"Should they take their leave, then I have you to carry me." Agron noticed, pleased, that the answering chuckle was more relaxed and gave the man a gentle nudge as he reached in front of him to retrieve a plate. "I would have more of that cheese too." He winked. "Before it all disappears down the gullet of some idle fuck."

The two men continued to laugh together as they loaded their plates with what remained of the feast.


	11. Chapter 11

"Agron!" Spartacus called out, coming upon the German cleaning his sword on the temple steps in the midday sun, it being too hot to train for any useful amount of time without the risk of collapse. "I did not expect to find you alone?" He said, looking around and finding no trace of the man who's shadow Agron had become.

"Nasir assists Naevia this morning. Idleness does not sit well with him, assisting her gives him purpose."

The Thracian nodded.

"Every life should have purpose." He gave brief pause. "He fares well these days it would seem?"

Without looking up from his sword, Agron answered.

"He remains yet troubled, but good days outweigh the bad now, by considerable amount." He glanced upwards briefly before returning to his sword. "Yes, he fares well. Better each day." Although he could not see it, Spartacus heard the small smile that coloured Agron's voice and he found a similar smile tugging at the corners of his own mouth

"That is indeed good to hear."

Agron looked up from his sword and met the Thracian's gaze, this time not looking away, but searching instead.

"Speaking of purpose." He said. "You did not come only to enquire about Nasir. There is something else on your mind."

"You read me well brother. Yes, there is something else. A proposition."

"For Nasir?"

Again Spartacus nodded.

"If you think he may be open to the suggestion."

Agron ceased his cleaning and placed the sword on the ground in front of him.

"I cannot say for certain, it would depend on the proposition, but sit, speak, and I will give my opinion."

Spartacus took a spot beside Agron on the temple steps.

"I would request his help, with training."

The German's brow furrowed slightly.

"How so?"

"He took down a Roman guard with his bare hands did he not? We have many fierce battles ahead of us Agron, and we are sorely lacking in weapons. Even if it were not so, few of our number are proficient in the use of blades or bows and even with our training any one of us might find ourselves bereft of weapon at any time. It hardly needs saying that to be able to take down an opponent unarmed would a be a useful skill to have, for all of us."

"And you believe Nasir to be the man to teach it." The German said, understanding immediately the Thracian's meaning and nodding.

"I can think of no man better suited to the task."

Agron could think of no man better suited either but to hear it from Spartacus himself filled him with a pride he had not thought possible and he could not keep the grin from his face.

"Nor I. I think Nasir would be glad to share his skills if you believe them useful and your reason is sound. Also, more definite purpose would see his spirit further elevated I am sure of it." The sound of footsteps from somewhere behind alerted both gladiators to Nasir's presence and Agron turned to him with a welcoming smile. "But here he is, why do you not ask him yourself?"

He clapped a hand gently to Spartacus' shoulder and Spartacus nodded.

"Nasir." He called out, rising to his feet as the Syrian drew near.

"Spartacus." Nasir returned the greeting with a questioning tone, seemingly surprised to see the other man.

"Just the man I was looking for." The Thracian continued. "I have a request to make of you."

 

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	12. Chapter 12

Agron could not keep the smile from his face when Nasir returned to their bed that night. The young Syrian had been so happy these past few days, ever since Spartacus had given voice to his request, and it warmed him to see it, for at times he had feared that Nasir would never be truly happy again.

He closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep, teasing as the smaller man dropped down beside him and crossed his legs. He could feel Nasir's eyes upon him, could feel the excitement crackling in the air around him and waited to see how much time would pass before he became impatient and woke him with a playful swat to his chest. He could not draw out the tease though and little more than a single heartbeat came and went before his longing to once again gaze into dark eyes and see them sparkle almost as they had before overwhelmed him.

"Someone is cheerful." He said cracking open one eye and flashing Nasir a lopsided grin. "Tell me, what has put you in such fine spirits this evening?"

"Oenomaus." Agron cracked open his other eye and looked up Nasir curiously. "He has been studying the training schedules so that he may fit in my lessons without causing expense to others. It has not been without difficulty, but it is done. I begin instructing tomorrow."

The gladiator felt his chest swell once again with pride and gratitude and a hundred other emotions he could not put name to. He had been right that Spartacus' suggestion would be good for Nasir but he had not expected the younger man to warm so quickly to it, he had presumed that he might take at least some small amount of persuading. That Nasir had embraced the idea so fully and without hesitation was better than he could ever have hoped for.

"Indeed, that is good news." He reached up instinctively and touched his fingertips to the corner of Nasir's mouth where his smile was stretching it and Nasir smiled just a little wider. "You are beautiful when you smile." He whispered softly, a faint blush creeping across his cheeks when he realised he had said the words aloud. He shifted his hand to Nasir's shoulder and gave it a hearty squeeze. "It is good to see you smile again Nasir, to see your eyes once again full of life."

"It feels good to smile again and to feel that smile in my very being." The younger man lay down beside Agron and stretched his legs out, wriggling slightly to his side so that they were touching, shoulder to shoulder. "For so long now I have felt as an outsider, watching from the shadows while the rebellion forged ahead absent me. I had forgotten that I was a part of it. Spartacus has reminded me that I belong and to know that he sees in me not just worth but strength and ability… it means much to me."

Agron nodded slowly, ignoring the tiny pinprick of jealousy he felt at knowing it was Spartacus who had given Nasir back his smile and not him. It mattered not who had done so, only that it had been done.

"Spartacus is a great man. He has always seen in others that which they could not see in themselves. He has inspired many a man to strengths beyond those they believed themselves capable of."

Nasir was silent for several moments, deep in thought. Agron turned his head to look at the other man, wondering what he was thinking but not questioning.

"That is so." The Syrian said at last. "He is a great man. But…"

"But?" Agron raised an eyebrow towards him.

"But you are a better man."

The gladiator snorted with laughter.

"The compliment is well received… if misguided." He said, turning his head again and gazing up at the stars, more serious now. "I am no Spartacus."

"Do not doubt yourself." The Syrian replied, his brow falling to a deep furrow as he raised himself up on one elbow and stared down into the face of the man beside him. "I speak from the heart. Spartacus did not rush to my side in my time of need. Spartacus did not offer the pieces of his own broken heart to fix mine. Spartacus did not hold me through the night and ease my pain when the nightmares came. Spartacus did not love me when I could not love myself, he did not show me I was strong when I felt weak…" Agron opened his mouth to speak, to protest, but Nasir silenced him with a finger against his lips. "It was you Agron. You did those things, not Spartacus. You saved me, you gave me hope. What Spartacus sees in me now, he sees only because of you. But for you he would see not a man but an empty shell."

There were tears in his eyes as he spoke, but these tears were different from any that had been cried before and Agron felt the pricking of them in his own eyes. Nasir's words had touched him, deeply, meant so much to him. He knew he would never have the words to express to Nasir how much but attempt was made anyway.

"Nasir I…"

No sooner had his lips parted he found his words stolen, along with his breath, by Nasir's own lips pressed gently against his and by the Gods it had been so long and even he had not realised how much he had missed this. A sudden, almost painful bolt of sensation, both physical and emotional surged through his body, making him tremble with longing. How he longed to wrap his arms around the other man and pull him down, to ravish his mouth and his body, yet there was no indication that Nasir meant the kiss as anything more than gratitude. A low, desperate moan rose in his throat but he swallowed it, kept his hands at his sides, balled into tight fists. He would not give in to his baser desires, he would not subject Nasir to that, would not even give him cause to think of it. He had promised friendship only and that would be all he gave, no matter how much it pained him.

Surprised by his own reaction, his unreservedness in seeking Agron's lips, Nasir pulled back, slightly alarmed and very confused. The kiss had been fleeting and chaste, just the barest of touches but it had awakened in him feelings that had long been dormant. Feelings he could not deny, feelings that had once been his to own but now seemed foreign and unfamiliar. Flushed and bewildered and with so many questions running unchecked and unanswered through his mind, he tore himself away from the other man and turned his back, suddenly feeling horribly bereft of Agron's closeness but uncertain of what might happen if he clung to it.

"It is late. We should sleep." He muttered, already knowing in his heart that sleep would not find him tonight.

"Indeed." The gladiator agreed, making a feeble attempt to silence the beating of his heart, afraid that Nasir would hear it and somehow know of his desires. "You will need your strength if you are to teach this rabble tomorrow." He did not move, but stayed there on his back staring up at the stars. Sleep would not find him this night either.

 

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	13. Chapter 13

Nasir could not sleep, although he feigned it well. His thought's were full of the man snoring softly beside him, his heart raced, his breaths quickened, his skin tingled and his body trembled just from his presence. He had felt this way before, in the beginning, when he had first become aware of his growing attraction to Agron, when he had feared that the gladiator saw him as nothing more than a wild dog to be put down before it could again bare teeth and his only relief had been in his fantasies. Oh what fantasies they had been though, how they had made him ache for more.

He felt himself grow warm at the memory, his flesh swelling slightly as it filled with blood and he bit his lip to keep from groaning out loud. He glanced over at Agron, still sleeping, and balled his hands into fists at his side to keep from touching, afraid that even the simplest of touches might stir his desires beyond what he already felt.

How could this be happening? He did not understand. After all he had been through, how was it possible that his body could still be stirred to passion by a simple kiss. Sedullus had broken him, shattered him into a thousand tiny pieces. He had believed himself beyond repair until Agron had shown him otherwise. With Agron's love and patience he had been able to put those pieces back together but the chips and cracks remained, he was still damaged. He would never be as before.

And yet here he lay, beside the man who so confused and enflamed his senses, desire spreading through his body like a fire that would not be doused, wanting and not wanting in equal measure. It was agony.

He glanced once more at the man who shared his bed, his eyes ghosting over the familiar curves and planes of his muscular back and wondered what would happen if he were to reach out and touch him right now. Would Agron simply mumble wordlessly and pull him into a comforting, sleepy embrace or would he wake and share in this reawakening ardour, taking him to the very edge of sanity with slow, practised strokes until he could hardly remember his own name as he had done so many times in the past? Was that even what Nasir wanted? Would he be able to truly let his fears go and allow himself to be claimed by pleasure or would his memories intrude and break him down all over again? And even if he was able, would Agron still want him that way. The gladiator had not responded to the kiss last night. Maybe he had just been caught by surprise, maybe he was as afraid as Nasir was and holding back… Maybe he no longer thought of him in that way. He knew that Agron still loved him, unconditionally, but perhaps the passion had died, perhaps the love that remained now between them was nothing more than the love of a treasured friend.

He needed to think, to clear his head and try to make sense of what was happening to him but that was not possible with Agron so close. Quietly and carefully so as not to awake the sleeping gladiator, Nasir slipped from their bed and crept away.

 

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Time alone did little to help Nasir clear his head. His thoughts were as jumbled and confused as they had been and no matter what he did they always drifted back to Agron.

Naevia. He would talk with Naevia, she of all people would understand what he was going through. Maybe she would be able to help him make sense of his feelings.

 

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He did not find Naevia as he had hoped he would.

"You have just missed her. She went to gather fruit for breakfast." Crixus told him as he oiled his sword.

"Oh." Nasir bit his lip, unsure what to do now.

"But I will tell her that you seek her upon her return."

Nasir gave a small nod and an equally small smile.

"Gratitude." He said softly as he turned to leave. He took barely two full steps before the Gaul called out to him.

"Wait." He set his sword upon the ground with a clanking sound. "Naevia and you… you share a bond I know but, perhaps there is something I can help you with in her absence?"

For a moment Nasir was silent.

"I do not think so." He said eventually looking back over his shoulder. "It regards a matter of an… intimate nature." Crixus nodded his understanding. "But the offer is well received."

Once again he turned to leave and once again he had taken barely two steps before he was stopped. This time it was not Crixus voice but his own, inside his head, that halted his departure. Maybe Crixus understood more than Nasir might have presumed, maybe he could help, at least in some part. He hesitated briefly before slowly turning back.

"Uhm…"

Crixus' hand was on the handle of his sword now but he dropped it again when he saw that Nasir yet remained.

"There is something?"

Nasir shuffled from foot to foot, his gaze fixed upon the ground in front of him.

"Perhaps... When Naevia was returned to you, and you learned of the wrongs that had been done to her, did it change the way you felt about her?"

"Naevia is my heart. The love of my life. Nothing could ever change the way I feel about her, not even that. Why do you ask?"

"No reason." He lied, his eyes still on the ground. He stayed silent for some time, feet still shuffling but making no move to leave. "But love can take many different forms. Do you… is she… when you look at her do you still see a beautiful woman or…"

"Nasir." Crixus interrupted taking pity on the young man and his obvious discomfort. "If you are trying to ask do I still desire her then the answer is yes, very much. Sometimes so much that it hurts. But she has suffered and I have no wish to add to her suffering so I keep my desires to myself until those times when she seeks them out." Nasir nodded silently, his thoughts beginning to clear now. Crixus watched him intently for several seconds, just now understanding the concerns that had given rise to Nasir's question. "I am no reader of minds but my guess would be that Agron feels the same way." Nasir looked up then, surprised that the Gaul had been able to read him so easily when he hadn't been trully sure himself of what he was really asking. "Talk to him." Crixus continued. "Until you do you will never be sure."

Nasir let out the breath that he had been holding and gave another nod.

"I will." He said as he took his leave. "And gratitude Crixus, you have helped more than you know."

 

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	14. Chapter 14

As was his way when he found himself troubled, Agron threw himself into training, practising with both his sword and shield until he was near fit to drop. Naevia watched in concerned silence from the early morning shadows, each heaving breath and pained grunt that echoed across the empty courtyard serving to further fuel her concern.

The sun was only just risen, the rebels just now beginning to wake from their collective slumber and yet here was he, flushed from exertion, glistening with sweat and panting heavily. He had been at this for some time already, that much was obvious. She wondered if he had been out here all night and if that was so, what of Nasir?.

Crixus had told her of Nasir's visit of course. At first her heart had smiled, for it seemed that her friends might soon find again that which they had both feared lost but it had been three days and three nights since and a distance appeared to have settled between them. She could only conclude that this distance was the thing that now troubled Agron so deeply.

She continued to watch, while her mind puzzled over what could possibly be the cause of the distance but she could find none that made sense. She would have to speak with him directly if she was to help.

One by one, the other rebels began to filter into the courtyard. Agron offered no more than a cursory nod or a laboured grunt to anyone and eventually he tossed his sword to the ground and stalked towards the water butt. He thrust his cupped hands into the cool water, scooped up what he could hold and splashed it upon his face, shaking his head fiercely to rid himself of the wandering droplets. When he turned Naevia was there, holding out a cup of clean water from the table which he accepted with the same nod and grunt he had afforded everyone else.

"You seem troubled this day." She said as he downed the contents of his cup.

"The upcoming battles weigh upon my mind." He offered as his explanation, avoiding her all knowing gaze."

"As it weighs upon us all. But I do not think that is all that troubles you. There is something else, something of a more… personal nature." When he did not answer she pressed on. "Something to do with Nasir perhaps?"

He turned his back then.

"You are mistaken." He half mumbled, half hissed. "There is nothing else, just the battles."

"Agron, you are not good with such falsehoods, your eyes give you away. That is why you have turned them from me is it not?"

"I told you, you are mistaken. Your imagination…"

Naevia folded her arms across her chest and declared fiercely, refusing his excuse before it could be fully formed upon his tongue.

"It is not my imagination, but your own body that tells me you have been practising with your sword since before even the birds awoke. It was not my imagination, but your eyes before you turned them away that told me you feel a pain deep within your very soul." Her voice softened with her next words. "And it is not my imagination that sees how lost and alone Nasir appears of late."

Agron tensed visibly at that and she reached out a hand to touch his shoulder, the slight tremble beneath her fingers a silent confirmation of which they were both aware.

"Hold your tongue woman." He snapped with more venom than he had intended. "I feel shame enough for ten men as is, I do not need more heaped upon me by you."

She frowned hard. What could possibly have happened to make the gladiator feel such shame? She would not, now or ever, believe that Agron could have done something to hurt Nasir but she conceded that it was possible he had done something he perceived as hurtful.

"Agron." She said gently. "Whatever has happened may not be as terrible as you think. Let me help. I beg you, share with me what troubles you."

"I do not deserve your help."

"And what of Nasir? Does he not deserve my help?"

At once Agron realised he had been bested. Naevia had been clever , turning his words around, knowing he would deny Nasir nothing, no matter how dear the cost to himself. His shoulders sagged and a deep, ragged sigh fell from his lips as he resigned himself to confession.

"We…" He began. "I… There was a kiss."

"A kiss?"

"It meant nothing to him, just a show of gratitude but…"

Still he would not turn to her so she circled him slowly, coming to still at his front and looking up at him through her lashes. The pain and self loathing she saw etched into his handsome face made her heart ache for him.

"It was something more to you."

At last his eyes met hers and he nodded guiltily.

"Much more, and for that I despise my very being. I promised him I would never ask for more than friendship, and all of this time I have been able to push aside my passion for him, to pretend that it was no longer felt…" His voice cracked. "But one simple kiss, the briefest touch of his lips and my body has betrayed us both. I cannot deny to myself any longer that I yet hunger for him as desperately as I ever did, but I will not pursue desire, I will not force myself upon him ever. Even so, I fear he knows of my betrayal and has lost his trust in me. He fears me now, I see it in his manner. He cannot bear to be near me, he cannot even look at me and the blame for that lies at my own fucking feet."

As she stood there now before Agron, going over in her mind what Crixus had relayed to her of Nasir's words, she began to understand what had happened between her friends. There had been a kiss he had said. A kiss that while innocent in intent, had sparked something in both men, something that had given them both cause for alarm. A new flame borne from the smouldering ashes of what once had been, startling in it's intensity, lacking a release and all the while flickering in the wind of memories, a mere breath from being extinguished. It seemed so clear to her, as one who had so recently felt that flame herself.

If only she could make them see, make them understand.

"Perhaps you are mistaken." She offered, knowing even before she had spoken that her words were in vain.

"I am not."

She allowed a small sigh to escape her lips. It was as she suspected, Agron was so mired in his guilt that he would not hear reason.

"Then you must make apology."

"Words of regret will not ease his fears, nor will it renew his faith in me."

"That does not mean attempt should not be made. Go to him Agron. Tell him of your true feelings and beg his forgiveness. Tell him those feelings would not fade despite all effort to make it so and assure him that you will no more act upon them now than before. If you are truthful he will understand, he will believe you."

She held his gaze, her hand upon his cheek halting any further attempt to turn away. At last he let out a breath and acquiesced.

"Experience has made you as wise as you are compassionate. You are right, as always where Nasir is concerned. He deserves the truth. I will speak with him tonight." He told her.

Her smile was warm.

"I am glad, for it pains me to see the two of you parted."

"I cannot promise that after tonight we will not still be parted but I pray the Gods will be merciful and at least allow friendship to be salvaged."

He embraced her then, a gentle squeeze and softly spoken words of gratitude before he took his leave. Naevia watched his retreat and whispered beneath her breath.

"Be brave Agron. Do not let courage falter."And she knew that tonight she would offer a silent prayer of her own to the Gods, for her friends.

 

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	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it. I have now caught up to ff.net and the story has reached the same point on both sites. There is more to come but unfortunately I find myself with considerably less time available in which I can write than I did when I began this story so from here on, updates will be much less frequent. I apologise for that, but please be paitient, I WILL finish this. I would never leave a story unfinished.

It was with some not inconsiderable trepidation that Agron returned to his bed that evening. And it was with some not inconsiderable relief that he found Nasir still absent, the moment he had both welcomed and feared, delayed.

Since Naevia had broken words that morning and offered advice against voiced concerns, his mind had been unable to rest. Same too the blood in his veins. She had spoken wisely of course, as was always the way when it came to the matter of Nasir and how best to aid in his healing.

He owed Nasir a confession, the truth of his feelings coupled with heartfelt apology. What the Syrian chose to do with such was his decision alone. Agron would not attempt to sway decision if it went against him no matter the pain it may cause. His heart concerned itself now, as it always had, with only that which was best for Nasir. That he already told himself he would be rejected, banished from both sight and heart, did not extinguish the tiny spark of hope that at least Nasir might not hate him.

Over and over he spoke unto himself the words he needed Nasir to hear, and prayed to the Gods he would forgive. Desperately afraid that even the smallest slip or stumble might ruin whatever small chance there might be of something good coming from this, he spoke them over and over until in his mind they sounded perfect. All that remained to do now was to await Nasir's return.

He waited what seemed like an eternity, until he had almost given up when a small voice at his back called his name.

"Agron."

"Nasir." He whispered in response as he turned towards the other man. The sight of him made Agron's heart beat a furious rhythm inside his chest, his blood to race through his veins and his mouth to run dry. His fingers twitched at his side, aching to reach out and touch yet he had never seemed so far from Agron's grasp as he did in this moment. "Nasir." He whispered again, his voice rough with emotion.

Nasir tilted his head to one side and gave him a curious look, one he could not read.

"Troubles weigh heavily on both our minds it would seem." His voice was as rough as Agron's own had been, still was. Agron could do little more than nod. "Then we should speak and see them to end, one way or another." Agron nodded again.

"Yes."

Nasir moved to sit beside him, crossed his ankles and brought both knees to his chest where he wrapped his arms around himself.

"I would know something of you, and you must promise no coddling. You must promise to speak only the truth, whatever it may be, even if it is something you think I will not want to hear. Can you do that?"

"If that is your wish. Yes."

Some moments passed before either man found voice again.

"Do you…" Nasir gave pause to take breath before continuing. "When you look upon me do you yet feel…" He captured his bottom lip between his teeth and worried at it gently. "Do you yet desire me?"

"I…" Agron's voice caught in his throat. He cleared it with a cough and opened his mouth once more but though he had promised Nasir the truth he could not bring himself to say the words aloud, such was the depth of his shame. "Can you not see?" He said, looking down at his feet, avoiding the other man's gaze.

"Alas there is much I do not see of late. Please Agron. The truth, as you promised."

A deep sigh and Agron looked up, eyes fluttering hesitantly before finally meeting the Syrian's gaze.

"I have never stopped desiring you Nasir, but there is no cause for you to fear action. I have not acted upon desire before now, nor will I. I would sooner see myself to the afterlife than ever hurt you, you have my word on that. I know that you can never…"

"I yet feel the same desire." Nasir interrupted, the colour rising in his cheeks.

Agron stared, brow furrowed.

"Forgive me. It seems wishful thinking causes my ears to deceive me."

"Your ears hear well enough."

"Then you…"

"I desire you still. I ache for you. That kiss, it…"

"Was one of gratitude, nothing more. Or so I believed." Agron interrupted.

"As did I when I gave it, but the touch of your lips against mine awoke a passion in me I had long thought dead, made me want more and when you made no response I feared that… I feared that you no longer saw me in such a way, that what had happened had ruined me that way in your eyes and that you would never again feel more for me than friendship. That is why I put distance between us."

"And I had feared my passion so strong as to render pointless any attempt to keep it hidden. Concerns would not allow the possibility that you could ever find pleasure in such again. I was certain you had withdrawn out of fear and I was shamed to be the cause. That is why I lay no attempt to close distance."

The gladiator looked down at his feet once more. Nasir did the same.

"I may never be as free as I once was. Sedullus is forever a part of me now but memory fades further to distance with each day that passes. No longer am I prisoner to it, nor would I be again and I will not grant him the satisfaction of robbing from me that which I cherish above all else. I would know again the touch of your lips to mine, the gentle caress of loving hands upon my skin. I would know again what it is to be truly alive"

Agron looked up, his eyes locking at once with Nasir's. Nasir smiled upon him shyly, reaching for his hand, touching fingertip to fingertip and kindling a flame, a slow burn. His gaze faltered. He found himself staring at the Syrians lips and licked at his own, now parchment dry before once again finding the other man's eyes.

"Nasir." He whispered, voice strained. "Would you… would you allow me the honour of a kiss? A simple kiss, nothing more."

Nasir nodded, his smile growing wider. There was laughter in his eyes and in this moment, he felt he was perhaps bolder than Agron.

"If you do not kiss me soon I fear I may be dragged into the afterlife still waiting."

A soft chuckle escaped the German's throat only to die beneath the weight of heavy breath. Slowly, Agron leant forward and brushed his lips lightly against Nasir's, pulling back to search the other man's face for a sign that yes, he wanted this or no, it was too much and he should stop. He saw only the former. Confidence bolstered he placed one hand against Nasir's cheek and leant forward to place upon him another kiss, steadier, more sure than the last.

Nasir moaned softly, eyes fluttering closed, just briefly. He leaned into the kiss, tilting his head a little to the side so that their noses would not bump together and began to move his lips slowly against Agron's own. This time it was the German who moaned. Deep and throaty, the sound vibrated throughout his whole body making Nasir's own body tremble in accord. He pulled back a little way, breaking the kiss to let out a small gasp and a whispered…

"Yes."

Recapturing Nasir's lips almost instantly, the Gladiator kissed him harder, his hand sliding from the other man's cheek to his shoulder where it settled, squeezing gently . He caught the other man's lower lip between his teeth and nipped gently at the warm, succulent flesh there, causing Nasir to let loose yet another pleasured gasp.

Encouraged by Nasir's response, Agron trailed his kisses lower, nibbling at the rough bristled jaw as he made his way downward, finally attaching his lips to the smooth skin where Nasir's neck curved gently into his shoulder, an act that in times past would always make Nasir weak with desire.

Nasir gasped again, the sound followed quickly by a fevered moan.

"Agron I…" He rasped, instinctively tipping his head back so that Agron may more easily lavish attention upon that spot.

"Hmmmm?" Agron asked, his worshipping of Nasir's sensitive skin never ceasing.

"Please, I… More, Agron. I allow more than a kiss. I beg it."

 

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	16. Chapter 16

All at once, a breath caught in Agron's throat and the blood in his veins coursed faster. His lips became still, abandoning purpose so that he may lift his gaze and seek out the other man's own. Nasir responded to the loss of contact with a small whine and a worrying of inside cheek with teeth.

"Please." He whispered again, tipping his head back further still, begging wordlessly for Agron to return to task, yet still the man hesitated.

"Are you certain this is what you truly desire?" He questioned. "You once expressed concern that love for me might force a need before it's time. I would not see that happen now, or ever. Heart would seize within chest if I…"

A firm but gentle finger pressed to his lips called halt to words.

"I no longer fear as I once did. Nor should you. I know my own mind Agron, as I know my own body. This is what I desire. You, are what I desire. Do not make me wait another moment."

Agron smiled, softly, hand reaching to cup Nasir's chin, thumb sweeping teasingly over bottom lip.

"I am no more able to deny you now than I have ever been. I live and breath only to see any and all desires met."

Once again he captured the smaller man's mouth in a kiss sweeter than any that had gone before. Soft but needy moans escaped both their lips, mingling together in perfect harmony. Nasir's arms crept around his waist, his hands resting lightly a moment before beginning their dance across heated skin. He lay back against what served as bed, tugging the gladiator with him delighting in the feel of rippling muscle flexing beneath taut flesh as his hands moved higher. Oh how he had missed this.

Agron's kisses trailed lower once more, lips and tongue lavishing attention upon the same spot, still sensitive from earlier ministrations, in the curve of his neck.

"Yes. Yes." Nasir breathed, his body coming alive with pleasure and excitement.

He felt Agron's hand upon his chest, sliding beneath his coat, pushing it to his shoulder, not to remove but simply to expose. The hand roamed his flesh, stroking, caressing, a scratch here, a pinch there, teasing until Nasir was squirming and panting and arching into the touch.

"Find voice Nasir." Agron murmured against his skin. "I would hear the words from your own lips. What is it you desire from me?"

"More." Nasir rasped. "I desire more. Your… your hand upon me, please Agron, I… I need…" His voice abandoned him then as Agron's teeth joined his lips and tongue, nipping gently. Nasir's mind was lost to pleasure, no more words would come, only moans and whimpers so he conveyed his need they only other way he knew how. He place his hand on top of Agron's, stilling it briefly before twisting his wrist and guiding it lower, over his belly to the top of his bracae and further.

He was already to full thickness and achingly hard when Agron slipped his hand inside, wrapped strong, sword callused fingers around him and gave long, slow stroke. He gasped loudly, back arching deeper, hips rocking as he sought firmer touch from pleasing hand. But Agron it seemed, was in a mood to tease, to draw out the pleasure, to make it last, and would not grant that touch. Instead he released Nasir's length and slid his hand lower, cupping the heavy sac that hung beneath and massaging with his palm.

As he did so, an errant fingertip dipped unintentionally between the cheeks of Nasir's rear and though the younger man did not speak out, Agron did not miss the small jolt and tensing of muscles that resulted. It spoke of yet lingering fears, fears Agron would not see fed by too eager or too intimate touch. Hand quickly returned to previous position on Nasir's cock, stroking, squeezing.

He tore his lips away from Nasir's neck to look into his eyes, half afraid that they would now hold doubt, but he saw only trust and love and a passion, equal to his own.

Another kiss was shared, this one desperate and sloppy and thrilling beyond words. They broke it only to draw breath. Agron cast his gaze downwards. Nasir remained clothed but he had grown too big for his bracae and the head of his cock peered at Agron over the top of the garment, dark and glistening and leaking copiously. He swept his thumb across the tip, spreading some of the moisture and eliciting from Nasir a sharp hiss like the ones he remembered from past couplings, a sound he knew from experience to mean that Nasir was nearing his end.

"You feel too good." The younger man moaned breathlessly, his entire body, flushed and trembling. "I fear I will not last."

Agron could not hold back the deep rumbling groan that had formed within his throat at the mere thought, nor could he stop the trembling that wracked his own body as he continued to work his hand, bringing Nasir to the very edge of sanity with slow, practised strokes.

"Do not try." He told his lover. "Let yourself feel, I will hold you, I will not let you fall."

Once more he swept his thumb across the weeping tip of Nasir's length, his strokes growing more urgent as Nasir's breathing became more ragged, his own breathing matching that of the younger man. Nasir's hand flew to Agron's shoulder, fingertips digging into the hard muscled flesh there, clawing as if to draw blood.

Warning came as no more than another hiss and a rough whispering of Agron's name and then Nasir's body convulsed as he spilled his release into the German's still stroking hand. Panting and whimpering and still wracked with tremors, Nasir could only watch through glazed eyes as Agron removed his hand and brought it to his mouth. Eyes slipped shut, lips parted and Agron moaned low and deep as tongue lapped and swirled between fingers, cleaning all evidence of Nasir's pleasure and swallowing hungrily. Once he had had his fill, he leant down and once more pressed a kiss to Nasir's lips.

This kiss was at first chaste, tender and loving and without urgency but it quickly became more until both men were moaning helplessly again. Nasir's hand fluttered lightly over Agron's skin, down across the scar that marked his shoulder, brushing against hardened nipple and twitching muscle, then lower.

Agron at once captured his wrist and stilled his hand.

"There is no need." He murmured, pulling back to look into his lover's eyes.

"I would not be the only one of us to find release here tonight."

Nasir found his words silenced with a finger and Agron chuckled softly.

"You are not." He answered, a faint blush staining his cheeks. The chuckled disappeared then and he became serious. "Just to have you in my arms this way after so long, to see your eyes gaze upon me once more with desire, to feel your flesh throb and pulse beneath my touch and hear sounds of such pleasure fall from lips again kissed. It was more than was needed to see me to my own end."

Nasir's eyes widened at Agron's confession, then a gentle chuckle of his own loosed itself from his lips.

"Your desire for me is that great?"

Agron nodded, his smile returning.

"And always will be. As will my love for you. Everything I am Nasir, belongs to you, but nothing more so than my heart."

Nasir raised hand and touched it to the other man's cheek.

"As my heart belongs to you." He said. "And yet will even after it ceases to beat."

No more words were spoken after that but much was said in shared gaze and gentle kisses that may have endured endlessly had the day not caught up to them and demanded they rest.

"This day had been long." Agron said, prompted by a wide yawn from his lover. "We should sleep if we are to greet tomorrow with any strength." He lay his head upon Nasir's chest, sighing contentedly as Nasir's arms folded around him to hold him there, and he fell asleep, listening to steady rhythm of Nasir's heart beating in his ear.

 

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	17. Chapter 17

"Go." Nasir had urged when Agron voiced reluctance to move for docks with the others in search of new recruits.

"I would stay with you. I am needed more here and…"

Nasir silenced him with the barest hint of a kiss and a gentle touch of fingertips to clenched jaw.

"You cannot be at my side every moment, nor I at yours no matter how much we may wish it. Fierce battle looms ahead and we have not yet the numbers or resources to meet it with any hope of victory. You must go, find more fighting men to swell our ranks." He paused momentarily, eyes betraying his own reluctance to say goodbye, even if but for short time. But this mission was important and it was small sacrifice. "You will be gone but a single night, that is all."

"A single night in which you will be alone."

They had not been parted a single night since Agron had borne witness to the nightmares which invaded Nasir's sleep and chased them away with loving arms and soothing words. Though there had been innumerable nights since and bad dreams had been kept at bay, he feared they might return in his absence. It was a thought that clawed at his very being.

"I will not be alone." Nasir reached for Agron's hand, threading their fingers together before bringing them both to rest upon his chest. Agron smiled softly feeling the steady beat of Nasir's heart beneath his touch. "You will be with me, here." He said. "And if absence of loving arms becomes too much to bear, I will have Naevia to comfort and soothe."

A short distance from Nasir's back, Naevia heard her name and broke from Crixus' embrace to turn, smiling.

"As I will have Nasir." She looked back to Crixus, face still bright with her smile. The Gaul shifted forward and gathered her once more into embrace. He seemed as reluctant to part from her as Agron was to part from Nasir.

"We are strong, we will manage." Nasir assured. He and Naevia now stood side by side as Crixus moved to join Agron.

"It would seem we have both been given marching orders." The Gaul said with a good humoured snort, resting a brotherly hand on Agron's shoulder.

Agron grumbled something under his breath and reminded himself that his lover was indeed strong. Stronger than any man he knew and though he had welcomed the comfort Agron had offered during the darkest of times, he was not a man who took well to being coddled. No longer a victim, Nasir was a survivor.

Behind him a voice called out, impatient. Spartacus.

"Agron! Crixus! Fall to task!"

The two men exchanged a glance and a sigh before capturing their lover's lips with tender kisses.

"I will return shortly." Agron promised, then he and Crixus took position at Spartacus' side and were gone.

 

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They tore through not one but two ships, striking down Roman slavers as they went, Agron, Spartacus and a small group of men taking one, Crixus and a group of his men taking the other. With each cage unlocked and each shackle undone, the tale of Spartacus and the rebellion was told. Few understood the common language but those who did translated and by nightfall their numbers had swelled with men and women, Celt and Nubian, by the hundred, all indebted and eager to join the cause.

Time to rest was a luxury they did not have. To linger too long in one place was to invite discovery so they pressed on, Agron pressing harder perhaps than any in his eagerness to return to Nasir.

The sun was already risen in the sky when eyes yet settled upon the temple once more through the trees. Agron's heart began to beat a furious rhythm within his chest at the promise of empty arms being filled once again with the one who held his heart but as they drew nearer something in him changed, he faltered, his steps slowed, joyous expression upon face replaced now with one of unease.

Crixus noticed at once the change in the man he now called friend and placed himself at his side.

"What troubles you brother?" Agron spoke not a word for the longest time. "Am I to make guess?"

"I fear for Nasir's well being upon return." The German muttered beneath his breath.

"You think in your absence nightmares will return and send him back to dark place?"

Agron shook his head.

"No. I trust that he and Naevia will keep each other from that. It is not that which gives concern, it is…" He gave momentary pause and turned his gaze to the new recruits who followed behind. "Last time we made attempt to swell ranks it ended badly for Nasir."

The Gaul grunted softly.

"When first Naevia was ripped from my arms, I believed my affections were to blame. She made me see that was not so. You are no more to blame for Sedullus' actions than I for Lucretia's."

"I brought him to this place."

"You brought many others who were not him. People I now trust with my life, as Naevia and Nasir also trust. Do not start placing blame where none belongs and do not conjure to life fears which may otherwise not be born."

"Agron was silent for some moments then a slow smile spread across his face.

"Jupiter's fucking cock, when did the Gods decide to grant wisdom to a fucking Gaul?" He exclaimed.

Crixus chuckled and threw his arm around Agron's shoulders.

"On the day they decided to place a race of men east of the Rhine my friend. Now come, make haste. Our hearts await our return."

 

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That night a celebration was thrown to welcome new arrivals. Nasir appeared confident and at ease among them, navigating the mass of bodies with a smile and breaking words with those who had an understanding. Agron yet held back, watching from a distance. He would have clear head and keen eye lest there was trouble.

He yet remembered clearly the last time there had been celebration, Nasir still troubled by his memories but fiercely determined to face his demons and break their hold upon him. Clearer still he recalled the celebration before that, the one that had brought said demon into Nasir's life. The memory still pained him but if Nasir could find the strength to put it behind him then Agron could, and would, do same.

From across the courtyard he caught Nasir's eye and even at distance he could feel the warmth of the other man's smile as he weaved through the crowd and made towards him.

"You do not join celebration?" Nasir questioned, drawing nearer to stand before him. Agron smiled and lifted a hand to brush away an errant curl from the other man's face.

"I find myself unable to tear my gaze away from your beauty for long enough to do more than blink."

"Flatterer." Nasir teased. He glanced over his shoulder at the revellers. "I have a good feeling about these people." He said. "They show gratitude and respect. I think they will prove worthy addition to the cause. I am glad to know them."

It seemed almost as if Nasir had seen inside Agron's mind, read his darker thoughts and sought to rid him of them. Agron was content to let him do so for it spoke volumes of Nasir's return to self.

"As am I." Agron responded, pulling his lover into his arms, pressing their lips together and kissing him thoroughly in front of any who eyes might set upon them. It was not a show of possession, never that. More a warning that Nasir was protected and that anyone who sought to cause him harm would first have to go through him.

When at last the kiss ended, Nasir stumbled backwards a little, flushed and breathless from the intensity of it. He licked his lips and made a small sound of delight.

"I tire of music and wine." He whispered roughly. "I would have us take to our bed for pleasures of a different kind."

"Of what pleasures do you speak?" The larger man asked in mock innocence. "You will have to be more specific." His body was already beginning to tingle and thrum at the merest thought of feeling his lover's flesh beneath his fingers, and the urge to drag him to their bed without further ado was strong, but he waited.

"I had a dream last night, while you were gone." Nasir answered. At first Agron was worried but the look in Nasir's eyes soon chased his worries away. "I dreamed we were together as before. I dreamed of your hands and your mouth. I dreamed of you making me ready with fingertips and tongue. I dreamed of having you inside me, stretching me, filling me, making me cry out in pleasure. I awoke hard and aching with your name upon my lips. So hard I was forced to take myself in hand to relieve the ache."

Agron swallowed dry, his voice stolen from him by words of apparent seduction. Did his ears deceive him? Was Nasir really saying the things it sounded like or was it Agron's own imagining born of a night absent Nasir's lips against his? Since that night when they had both made confession and once again become lovers Agron had offered no more than hands and mouth to give Nasir pleasure and Nasir had begged no more of him. Agron was content just to touch and be touched, never had he dreamed they might again satiate their desires in that most intimate of ways. And yet it seemed that Nasir had dreamed exactly that.

Nasir leaned into Agron, pressing his body teasingly against the other man's and stretching himself to full height on the tips of his toes.

"I would see dream become reality." Came his rasped confirmation against Agron's ear. Agron shuddered violently as a bolt of pure arousal surged right through him, and a desperate moan loosed itself from his lips. "If you are of a mind of course." He stepped back to await answer, leaving Agron feeling agonisingly bereft.

"Yes." He groaned. "Fuck the Gods Yes, I am of a mind."

Nasir flashed him a devilish grin, his eyes alight with playful mischief.

"Good. But I would have a moment to make myself more… presentable, before you join me. Fair warning though, do not leave me waiting too long or I may begin without you." He was gone in a flash then. Agron was glad of the wall behind him to hold him up. Nasir's parting words had caused him to conjure up a scene in his minds eye so deliciously obscene that it felt to him as though every drop of blood had rushed south making him light-headed, and he feared he might find difficulty remaining upright if he attempted to walk so soon.

Taking a moment to regain his senses, Agron cast yet one more glance across the courtyard at the rebels, old and new, and smiled to himself. At the edge of his vision he noticed Naevia leading Crixus by the hand into a secluded corner of the temple and his smile grew broader. It seemed a night absent Crixus' arms had had much the same effect on her as absence his own had on Nasir.

"Nasir." He murmured softly beneath his breath, blood coursing through his veins at ever quicker speeds just from the sound of the man's name. He took a breath, adjusted himself in his subligaria and moved swiftly to join Nasir in their bed, half hoping that he had not left him waiting too long, and half hoping he had.

THE END.


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